My Why - Couples Counseling
When I went into counseling, I didn’t think I’d be doing couples counseling. I wasn’t against it in any way, it was more like I didn’t know it existed until just a few years ago. So why did I add it to my repertoire? Here’s why!
My husband encouraged me to add the specialty.
Say, what?! Yep, my husband thought I’d be good at it “because he has never ever talked this much with a partner in his entire life, and if I can get him to talk, I can get anyone to talk.” How could I argue with that?!
He’s not wrong. He and I talk A LOT in our marriage. Perk of one spouse being a therapist? Probably. But it’s also because a healthy marriage takes a lot of communication to work best. Healthy communication is a big piece of foundation for a healthy relationship. We have to talk! We also have to listen.
I value relationships.
Relationships are what make us human, and I love that. I’m not speaking about just romantic relationships, I’m talking about all relationships. And my value for all relationships made it pretty obvious that I could be good at couples counseling.
Couples therapy looks at the whole relationship- friendship, intimacy, financial, and each person as an individual. I value all of those pieces of relationships. I like looking at each of those aspects (and more) to help repair what needs attention to see how it helps repair the overall relationship. It’s the concept of small steps that can lead to big changes.
I love hearing people’s stories.
Most of us therapists go into the field because we enjoy hearing people’s stories, learning about people from other people, and helping people grow and adapt. While my husband may think I talk a lot (see point #1), I tend to listen a lot more than I speak.
Working with couples, I get to hear three stories. The stories of each partner, and their story together. It is such a privilege to be in my seat. I never forget how intimate my role is when I am working with a couple.
I like the variety.
Just as no two individuals in therapy are the same, the same holds true for couples in therapy. I love meeting new clients, getting to know them, and helping them with the pieces in their lives that need a little help. I also love being stretched, myself, to think, process, and problem solve, and couples counseling certainly offers such experiences. The couples I have worked with thus far have helped me grow as a professional, have stretched my thinking, and have given me new perspectives. That totally fills my therapist cup.
I’m married, and I understand.
Married twice, actually. My first husband died, and I have since remarried. I understand the ups and downs of marriage. I have been there for the better and for the worse. I have had to make some really hard decisions. I have had a lot of really great moments and memories. And have my marriages been perfect? Not.in.the.least.
In reality, what is a perfect marriage? The answer is as unique as each relationship.
My marriage has a lot of love, a lot of respect, autonomy for the both of us, trust, and humor. It also has arguments, hurt feelings, and banter. And after those moments, there are apologies, change language, and support. Do I put couples counseling techniques to practice in my own marriage?! You betcha. Why? Because they work. Because even the couples counselor can utilize couples counseling. And I have zero shame in that. I want my marriage to be successful. I want my couples clients relationships to be successful.
In the end, I have a vested interest in couples counseling for these mentioned reasons and more. When you come to me for couples counseling, I hope you see and feel that vested interest. I’m practicing from a place of true interest, true support, and true passion for happy and healthy couples.
