How to: Support Your Mental Health During Fertility Treatments
Fertility treatments can be like a full-time job. There are endless appointments, lab draws, injections, waiting for results, managing insurance, waiting to ovulate, waiting, waiting, waiting and more waiting, and restructuring your whole life around all that comes with it.
But alongside the medical side of things, there’s another part that matters just as much: your mental health.
The grief, anxiety, hope, fear, disappointment, exhaustion, and sometimes joy that come with infertility are real—and they deserve care and attention too.
If you’re in the middle of this process, you’re not just navigating medicine and logistics. You’re supporting your mental health, all while still trying to keep up with regular life (which is no joke).
Here are some ways to care for yourself while walking through the maze of fertility treatment.
Truly Acknowledge the Emotional Impact
One of the hardest parts of infertility is how invisible it can feel. From the outside, people may not see what you’re carrying: the injections, the side effects, the constant calculations about timing and money, the dreams that are hanging in the balance.
When people ask how you are, it’s a lot to answer truthfully.
It’s not “fine”. It’s not “just stressful.” It’s a layered emotional experience that can bring:
Grief for the family or path you imagined, the pregnancies that haven’t happened, or the pregnancies have been lost
Anxiety about timelines, treatment options, and outcomes
Isolation when it feels like everyone else is moving forward while you’re still waiting
Emotional whiplash—feeling hopeful in the morning, devastated by the afternoon, numb by evening, and then back again
If you’ve felt any of these things, you’re not overreacting. You’re responding like a human being to a deeply human challenge. Naming these feelings doesn’t make them go away, but it can help lift the weight of how heavy it can be to carry them. Try journaling, talking to your partner, or working with a therapist on how you’re really coping with everything that comes with the heaviness of this path.
Care for Yourself in the Day-to-Day
When treatment feels like a full-time job, it can be hard to know where to put your energy. But you don’t need a perfect self-care routine. What helps is building in small practices that create steadiness and compassion for yourself. Work towards creating structure that isn’t dependent on a fertility cycle.
Anchor yourself in gentle routines. Fertility treatment is unpredictable; a little structure can help. That might look like eating breakfast at the same time, a short morning walk, or journaling before bed.
Practice grounding techniques. During blood draws, ultrasounds, or anxious waiting, try the 5-4-3-2-1 exercise (name 5 things you see, 4 you feel, 3 you hear, 2 you smell, 1 you taste) or carry something soothing—like a stone or a piece of fabric—to hold in your hand.
Move in ways that feel good. Gentle stretching, yoga, or walking can help reconnect you to your body. Enjoy your body in ways that have nothing to do with fertility, including your own pleasure.
Journaling for release. A few sentences is enough: “What feels hardest today?” “What part of me needs compassion?” “One thing I want to set down, even just for tonight…”
Fertility-free activities. Schedule at least one activity per week that has nothing to do with treatment, whether it’s a hobby, a creative project, or time in nature.
Moments of joy and identity reminders. Celebrate small wins, savor pleasurable moments, and keep tangible reminders of who you are outside of fertility—your humor, your creativity, your friendships, your skills.
Protect Your Boundaries
Infertility can be isolating not just because of what you’re going through, but because of the way others respond. Friends may mean well but say the wrong thing. Family might ask intrusive questions. Social media might feel like a constant reminder of what you don’t have yet.
It’s okay—necessary, even—to protect yourself with firm boundaries. That might mean:
Skipping baby showers or family events that bring more pain than joy.
Muting accounts on Instagram that trigger grief or comparison.
Saying, “I’ll share updates when I’m ready,” instead of answering questions you don’t want to answer.
Boundaries are not selfish. They are tools for survival and care. You’re allowed to protect your energy while you’re in this tender place. You don’t owe anyone information about your body or experience.
Nurture Your Relationship
Fertility treatment doesn’t just impact you as an individual—it impacts your relationships too, especially with a partner. The stress, grief, and financial strain can take a toll, and it’s common for couples to feel disconnected during this season.
A few ways to support your relationship along the way:
Talk about your coping styles. One partner may want to talk every detail through, while the other copes by staying busy. Naming those differences can help reduce resentment.
Create fertility-free zones. Set aside times or places where talk about treatment is off-limits, like during dinner or on a date night, so your whole relationship isn’t defined by fertility.
Share the load. If one partner is carrying the physical side of treatment, try to share the emotional and logistical responsibilities like scheduling appointments, managing insurance, or giving injections if possible.
Find fun. This might look like small rituals (trying new coffee together in the morning, playing with the dog, or watching a favorite show) that remind you that you’re partners, not just “patients.” Enjoy one another.
Explore touch, connection, and intimacy that are not fertility or sexuality related. This will look different for each couple. It may mean non-fertility or conception related sexual contact, it may mean just a hug or holding hands. Talk about what would feel like healthy, safe, and welcome contact. A therapist could be a good addition to this conversation if it feels tricky.
Ask for outside help. Couples therapy or support groups can provide space to process the strain infertility brings, so it doesn’t just live between the two of you.
Remember: it’s not uncommon to experience tension or conflict during treatment. That doesn’t mean your relationship is broken—it means you’re navigating something incredibly difficult and you’re both humans.
Build Your Circle of Support
Infertility is heavy, and it’s not meant to be carried alone. The kind of support that helps most will look different for everyone, but you might find relief in:
Professional Support. Therapists trained in reproductive mental health (like the ones at ERA!) can help you process grief, navigate anxiety, and hold space for the complexity of your journey. You can search for providers through specialized directories like reproductivefacts.org or postpartum.net.
Peer Support. Online and in-person groups, like those offered through RESOLVE or Postpartum Support International, provide connection with people who truly understand what you’re going through.
Personal Support. Identify one or two trusted people who can hold space without trying to fix things. Let them know what you need—whether it’s someone to sit with you in silence, someone to check in, or someone to make you laugh when you’re ready. These supports could be people who understand fertility, or those who have nothing to do with it.
