Why Can’t I Make a Decision?When Overthinking, Perfectionism, and Anxiety Keep You Stuck
You need to make a decision.
It shouldn't be that complicated.
So why have you spent three days thinking about it?
You've made the pros and cons list. You've asked your partner. You've texted your friend. You've researched every possible option. You've imagined approximately 47 different ways this could go wrong.
And somehow, you still don't feel any closer to an answer.
If this sounds familiar, you may call yourself indecisive.
But I'm not sure that's always what's happening.
For a lot of the high-achieving, anxious, perfectionistic, and neurodivergent adults we work with, difficulty making decisions isn't about not knowing what you want.
It's about feeling like you need to make the perfect decision.
And that's an impossible standard.
Why Do I Overthink Every Decision?
Overthinking can look responsible from the outside.
You're being thorough.
You're considering your options.
You're making sure you don't miss anything.
And sometimes, that's exactly what you're doing.
But there's a point where gathering information stops helping you make the decision and starts helping you avoid the discomfort of making it.
Because making a decision means accepting something most perfectionists absolutely hate:
Uncertainty.
You can do all the research in the world and still not know exactly how something will turn out.
You can choose the job and discover you don't like it.
You can buy the house and wish you'd chosen another neighborhood.
You can choose a daycare and wonder whether the other one would have been better.
You can send the email and later think of a better way you could have worded it.
There is almost always another possibility.
If your brain is waiting until it has eliminated every possible risk before allowing you to move forward, you could be waiting a very long time. For some people perfectionism can cross over into OCD, and then additional help/assessment/treatment is needed
Perfectionism Isn't Always About Being Perfect
When people hear "perfectionist," they sometimes imagine someone with an immaculate house, a perfectly organized calendar, and color-coded everything.
That's one version.
But perfectionism can also look like procrastination.
Avoidance.
Second-guessing.
Constantly asking other people what they think.
Starting something and never finishing it.
Spending an hour writing a five-sentence email.
Researching something long after you already have enough information.
Avoiding a new opportunity because you're not sure you'll be good at it.
Sometimes perfectionism doesn't make you more productive.
Sometimes it completely freezes you.
Because if there is a "right" choice, there must also be a wrong one.
And if making the wrong choice means you've failed, disappointed someone, wasted money, looked stupid, or created a problem you should have predicted...
Of course your brain wants more information.
High Achievers Are Used to Finding the Right Answer
This can be especially difficult for high-achieving people.
You may have spent most of your life being rewarded for getting things right.
Good grades.
Successful career.
Responsible decisions.
Being prepared.
Being the person everyone can depend on.
You've learned that preparation works.
And honestly? It probably has worked really well for you.
Until you're dealing with something that doesn't have an objectively correct answer.
Should we have another baby?
Should I leave this job?
Should we move?
Is this relationship right for me?
Should I start my own business?
Should I go back to work after maternity leave?
Am I doing enough for my kids?
These aren't multiple-choice questions.
There's no answer key hiding somewhere.
At some point, you have to make a decision based on the information you have and tolerate not knowing exactly what happens next.
That's hard.
Anxiety Wants Certainty
Anxiety loves certainty.
Unfortunately, life isn't particularly interested in providing it.
When we're anxious, the brain often starts searching for reassurance.
Maybe you Google.
Maybe you ask someone:
"What would you do?"
They answer.
You feel better for about twenty minutes.
Then your brain comes up with another concern.
So you ask someone else.
Or you search again.
The relief is temporary because the real problem hasn't been solved.
The problem wasn't actually a lack of information.
The problem was that you were trying to eliminate uncertainty.
And that's a very different thing.
Decision Paralysis and ADHD Can Look Similar
Decision-making can also become particularly exhausting for people with ADHD or other forms of neurodivergence.
Sometimes there are simply too many pieces of information competing for attention.
Every option has ten sub-options.
Every decision creates another decision.
You started out trying to figure out what couch to buy and somehow you're now comparing fabric durability, room layouts, shipping times, return policies, cushion density, six Reddit threads, and whether you'll still like the color five years from now.
Your brain has 28 tabs open.
Literally and metaphorically.
Executive functioning differences can make prioritizing information, sequencing steps, initiating tasks, and filtering out irrelevant details harder.
Add perfectionism or anxiety on top of that, and even relatively ordinary decisions can become mentally exhausting.
What If I Regret My Decision?
This is often what's underneath all of it.
What if I regret it?
Here's the annoying answer:
You might.
We all make decisions we later wish we'd made differently.
But regret doesn't automatically mean you made a bad decision.
Sometimes it means you made the best choice you could with the information, resources, and capacity you had at the time.
Sometimes there was no perfect option.
Sometimes two things were true at once.
The job was right for you then, and it isn't anymore.
You wanted to become a parent, and parenting is harder than you imagined.
You made the safest choice available, and you still wish things had gone differently.
Therapy isn't going to turn you into someone who never regrets anything.
What it can help you do is build enough trust in yourself that regret no longer feels like something you have to prevent at all costs.
Learning to Trust Yourself Again
A lot of decision-making work eventually comes back to self-trust.
Can you make a choice without polling five people first?
Can you tolerate someone disagreeing with you?
Can you change your mind when new information becomes available without calling yourself a failure?
Can you recognize the difference between your intuition and your anxiety?
Can you make a "good enough" decision instead of waiting for the perfect one?
That doesn't happen overnight.
Especially if you've spent years believing that your value comes from getting things right.
Therapy for Perfectionism and Anxiety in Milwaukee
At ERA Wellness, we work with a lot of thoughtful, capable, high-achieving people who are very good at handling things.
Until handling everything becomes exhausting.
Therapy can help us look underneath the overthinking rather than simply telling you to "stop worrying."
We can explore anxiety, perfectionism, ADHD or neurodivergence, people pleasing, self-trust, burnout, and whatever else is contributing to that feeling that every decision carries way more weight than it should.
We offer therapy for anxiety and perfectionism in Whitefish Bay and the Milwaukee area, as well as online therapy throughout Wisconsin.
You don't need to become a person who makes every decision instantly.
That's not the goal.
The goal is being able to make a decision without needing absolute certainty that it's the right one.
Because sometimes there isn't a perfect choice.
Sometimes there's just the next choice.
And you can trust yourself enough to make it.
